What if you already know?

There are some questions we ask because we genuinely don't know the answer.

Then there are the others.

The ones where we ask someone what they think... and discover, somewhere around the middle of their answer, that we already know what we think.

Sometimes we know even sooner.

They've barely finished saying, "Well, if it were me..." and something inside us is already responding,

No. I don't want to do that.

It's funny, isn't it?

We can spend a surprising amount of time looking outside ourselves for reassurance.

What would you do?

Do you think this is the right thing?

Am I being unreasonable?

Should I give it a little longer?

Sometimes another perspective is exactly what we need. Other people can see things we can't. They can challenge us, reassure us or help us recognise something we've missed.

But I wonder how often we ask because we don't quite trust our own answer yet.

Especially when that answer might disappoint someone.

Or change something.

Or simply be different from what we've always done.

Perhaps that's part of it.

Sometimes the answer isn't particularly difficult to find. It's what the answer might ask of us that feels difficult.

It might require a conversation.

It might require a boundary.

It might even require a change of plan.

Or accepting that someone else might not like our answer very much.

By the time we reach our 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond, we've gathered quite a lot of evidence about ourselves.

We've made some good decisions… and some questionable ones!

We've said yes and wished we'd said no.

We've said no and felt an enormous sense of relief.

We've changed direction.

We've got things wrong.

We've started over again.

We've lived through days we didn't know how we'd get through - and somehow found ourselves on the other side of them.

That experience doesn't mean we suddenly have all the answers.

Goodness! I certainly don't.

But perhaps it gives us something we didn't have when we were younger.

A history with ourselves.

Experience doesn't hand us wisdom simply because another birthday comes around. But over time, if we're willing to pay attention, we gather clues.

We begin to recognise our own patterns.

We know that particular feeling when we're trying to talk ourselves into something.

We know the people we can spend two hours with and come home feeling lighter - and perhaps the ones who require a cup of tea and twenty minutes alone afterwards. 😄

We know when we're tired, even though we're still perfectly capable of telling ourselves we shouldn't be.

We know what happens when we ignore that little no for long enough.

Outside my cosy Wellness Cabin, October is just starting to make itself known.

The mornings are cooler. The light has changed. Leaves are beginning to gather on the ground, and will no doubt soon be gathering in all the places I'd rather they didn't. 😄

The natural world is responding to a change in season.

Perhaps, in our own way, we do too.

We aren't the same women we were ten, twenty or thirty years ago. How could we be?

Life has happened in between.

We've had experiences we never expected. We've changed our minds about things we once felt certain about. We've made mistakes, surprised ourselves, adapted and found our way through things we might once have thought we couldn't.

All of it has given us information about who we are.

Which brings me back to those questions we sometimes ask other people.

What would you do?

Do you think I'm doing the right thing?

There will always be times when we need another perspective. I hope there are. We were never meant to figure everything out alone.

But perhaps, every now and then, there's another question worth asking first.

What do I think?

And then - giving ourselves long enough to hear the answer.

Breathe & Believe 💫
Lorraine